Everybody Loves Naruto
by desolate butterfly
Summary: A series of drabbles in which I pair Naruto with everyone under the sun. NaruSaku, NaruShika, NaruKiba, NaruGaara, NaruIno, NaruLee, KakaNaru, and many more to follow. Rated from PG to M.
1. Blush

Title: Blush  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, drabble  
Pairing: NaruSaku, implied SasuSaku  
Rating: PG – 13  
Summary: Sakura doesn't understand why Naruto has to go around shirtless all the time.

--

He was doing it again.

Sakura's cheeks reddened and her hands twisted together in embarrassment, but her eyes stayed glued to Naruto's bare chest as he went through another kata.

_'Why can't he keep his shirt on for stuff like this?_' she whined to herself, although another part of her was mentally cheering and going _HELL YEAH_.

She really did love Sasuke. And he was definitely cuter than Naruto, and more sophisticated, and probably stronger too. But something about the way Naruto's muscles flexed and tightened when he was doing katas always made Sakura's mouth run dry and her pulse quicken.

She began to notice things when he was stretched out in a high kick position, like the good two feet of height he had gained in the last little while, and the flexibility of his limbs. When he brought his hands up over his head she could see the slim flatness of his stomach, the sheen of sweat on his chest, the unusual grace in his movements...

And his nipples were brown. Oh god, _why_ was she noticing his nipples?

"I am sick and need help," she muttered to herself as she watched Naruto clasp his hands together and bow to an imaginary opponent. He swiped a hand across his brow and look up, face brightening.

"Ah, Sakura-chan!" he shouted, running over to greet her. Once he got close enough, she could smell the sweat on his skin.

"You stink," she told him, scooping his abandoned shirt up off the ground and tossing it to him. "Go shower then we'll eat something."

He beamed at her.

"Like a date?" he said excitedly.

She frowned at him. "No. More like, you owe me food for making me wait so long while you practiced your katas again. You know, you _could_ tell me to show up later when you want some time to train."

His arm hooked around her shoulders and her nose wrinkled.

"Aw, come on Sakura-chan," he wheedled, "you know it wouldn't be as much fun that way."

_OH SHIT, CAUGHT._

Sakura could feel herself beginning to blush in mortification so she did the first thing she could think of, which was to punch Naruto in the chest at about half strength.

He still landed about ten feet away, which more than made up for the way that her knuckles scraping against one of his (brown!) nipples for a split-second made her heart pound.

--

fin.

--


	2. A Bad Idea

Title: A Bad Idea  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, crack, drabble  
Pairing: KakaNaru, KakaSasu  
Rating: PG – 13  
Summary: Naruto has a request for Kakashi.

--

"I demand that you molest me!"

Kakashi blinked his uncovered eye at Naruto and slowly put his book down.

"...What?" he said, glancing around nervously, as if worried his students were playing a joke on him.

Naruto only scowled and pointed an accusing finger at Kakashi's nose...or, at least, where his nose probably was located as it was covered by his mask.

"You molest Sasuke all the time. I'm twice as good as that lame bastard! You'd better molest me right now Kakashi-sensei or I'm gonna fight you until you do," the blond declared, hands clenching into fists.

Kakashi sighed and then gracefully stood up and rolled up his sleeves.

"Fine," he said, "I'll do it."

Naruto's face brightened and he unzipped his jacket eagerly, but look at bit confused when Kakashi turned him around.

"Just remember," the grey-haired nin said as he cracked his knuckles and focused his gaze on Naruto's buttocks, "you asked for it."

"Uh...Kakashi sensei?"

"A THOUSAND YEARS OF PAIN."

Naruto never asked to be molested by Kakashi again after that.

--

fin.

--


	3. Naruto's First Time

Title: Naruto's First Time  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, gen  
Pairing: Naruto/OC  
Rating: PG – 13  
Summary: Naruto finally finds out just what it is Jiraiya does in those backrooms at bars.

--

It was very boring waiting for Ero-Sennin to emerge from the back room of the bar where he was currently "gathering information", or so he claimed.

Naruto had a vague idea of what his teacher was actually doing in the back rooms whenever he left Naruto out in the bar, or (more often) outside on the street waiting for him to emerge, rosy-cheeked and smelling of sake. It probably involved a lot of kissing and seeing girls in their underwear, was Naruto's estimation, although he'd only gotten a brief peek at a rough copy of Icha Icha Violence and it seemed to involve a lot less clothing and some strange positioning of arms and legs that looked odd and painful.

Naruto figured that if the old man was doing a lot of _that_ in backrooms, he'd complain about his joints a lot more than he already did.

Still, whatever Jiraiya was doing, it was taking a long time. Long enough that Naruto decided to amuse himself by flipping his kunai into the same small dent in the bar counter over and over again.

On the twelfth hit he almost nailed the pretty brown-haired waitress walking by and swarmed her with many apologies and pleading looks.

"Don't kick me out nee-san!" he begged. "It just started raining and Ero-Sennin will probably take forever this time."

He was giving her his best earnest look, but she didn't seem to be noticing it. Her eyes were focused more on his chest, to the point where he had to look down at himself to see if he'd maybe spilt something on his shirt. The rip in the fabric over his right pectoral gaped as he moved and he gave the waitress a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry nee-san, it was just a scratch. Already healed see?"

And then he was tugging his shirt up so she could see the smooth, unbroken skin. That didn't seem enough to reassure her though, as she put out a hand to touch his chest. Her fingers were cold and Naruto shivered.

"Okay honey," she said, stroking a line across his chest, nails catching a little on the necklace that hung in the hollow of his throat. "I won't toss you out of here if you do me a favour."

"Sure," Naruto agreed happily. "Need some dishes washed? Or...I can toss out some drunks for you!"

"That's not quite what I had in mind," the waitress admitted, then pulled him into the alcove by the kitchens and started tugging at the snaps to his pants. It wasn't until she fitted her red-stained lips against his that his brain clued into what was happening.

_'Oh.'_

Fifteen minutes later, Naruto was cleaning himself off with a soapy dishcloth and vowing to steal the next draft of Icha Icha from Ero-Sennin so he could find out how on earth the old man found the strength to keep going at it for so long.

He got his first taste of beer, free of charge, from the waitress while he waited an additional twenty minutes for his teacher to finally emerge, smiling, from the backrooms.

--

fin.

--


	4. Identity Problems

Title: Identity Problems  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, crack  
Pairing: Kiba/Naru  
Rating: M  
Summary: Naruto decides to play a trick on Kiba, but it backfires.

--

It started out as a prank.

Naruto saw Kiba enter the bar and quickly performed a henge into his female form (with slightly more clothing). Then he sauntered up to the Inuzuka boy and pulled out his best flirting material.

Soon, Kiba was buying him drinks and inching his hand up Naruto's shirt, while bragging about his greatest missions and generally showing off. When Naruto led Kiba off the barstool and into an alcove by the bathrooms, the boy was all too willing to follow. Naruto could hardly keep from snickering as he fluttered his eyelashes and fisted his hand in Kiba's shirt.

They drew together for a kiss, but at the last second, Naruto cancelled the henge and grinned.

"Gotcha Kiba!" he said, laughing. But the laughter soon turned to surprised moans as Kiba caught his mouth with his own and started a deep, wet kiss.

"Stupid," Kiba muttered as they broke apart, clawed nails still traveling up Naruto's shirt, even though he no longer had breasts to cup. "You still smell the same, even when you're transformed."

"O-oh yeah," Naruto whimpered as Kiba dipped back in for another kiss.

--

fin.

--


	5. A Scientific Pursuit

Title: A Scientific Pursuit  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, drabble, smut  
Pairing: Naruto/Ino  
Rating: M  
Summary: Ino wants to have an experiment with Naruto.

--

"Hey Ino, shouldn't you be setting traps with Shikamaru and Chouji right now?" Naruto said, looking suspiciously at the blonde girl who was presently stripping off her jounin vest and working on the mesh top beneath it before kneeling in front of him.

She grasped him by the wrist and pulled him down to the ground so that he was sprawled over her hips, hands by her head.

"Not now," she said, fingers deftly unzipping his pants and worming their way into his boxers. "I'm testing a theory."

"Which one is that?" Naruto asked, slightly amused at the frantic way Ino was tugging up her own skirt and fitting them together. His grin soon turned into a moan, however, as she shifted her hips against him and hooked her heels around his thighs.

"Whether or not blondes have more fun."

--

fin.

--


	6. Strategy

Title: Strategy  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, smut  
Pairing: NaruShika, implied ShikaIno  
Rating: M  
Summary: Playing Shogi with Naruto is always an experience.

--

"This game sucks," Naruto sighed as Shikamaru took another one of his pieces on the board. He kicked his feet restlessly against the porch step and watched Shikamaru pocket the glossy black stone with an annoyed pout.

Shikamaru only rolled his eyes and made a disgusted sound.

"Tch. It only sucks because you aren't paying attention to where you're moving your pieces," he explained. "You have to remember to consider the whole board, not just the small movement you're making. Think a little and you'll play better."

"I am thinking!" Naruto shot back. "But your cheating is getting on my nerves, that's all."

Shikamaru leaned back against the step, hands behind his head. The mesh he was wearing stretched and flexed around the skin of his chest as he moved.

"I don't have to cheat to beat you," he said, blandly, peering up at the sky which was, unfortunately, cloudless. "Geez...you'd think someone who'd made it to Chuunin status would know a little bit about strategy."

Naruto's eyes narrowed as he took in Shikamaru's prone state.

"Strategy eh?" he muttered, then climbed across the Shogi board into Shikamaru's lap and began to fasten his lips to any patch of uncovered skin open to him.

Shikamaru allowed this with the same lazy indulgence he allowed any touch. Usually it felt good and he didn't have to do any work with Naruto like he did when he was with Ino, who expected him to do a variety of things that exhausted Shikamaru just to think about.

Naruto would grasp and suckle and rub all on his own steam until they both had some form of satisfaction, and wasn't opposed to taking a nap afterwards, so that was fine with Shikamaru.

He was a bit surprised, however, when Naruto's groping hands suddenly left his hips and the blond was easing back to his position on the step as soon as he'd elicted a positive response from Shikamaru's body. The brown-haired boy blinked curiously at him as he tried to catch his breath.

"What was that for?"

Naruto grinned and held up his right fist, in which all his captured shogi pieces were now nestled.

"Strategy," he crowed, snapping them back down on the board with a triumphant smile.

Shikamaru didn't even bother telling him that was against the rules. He just held him with his shadow jutsu and took back the pieces, then made him jerk himself off right there on the step.

It wasn't much of a punishment, considering that Shikamaru had to perform the exact same action, and the blond looked like he was enjoying himself anyway, but Shikamaru figured that wasn't the point.

It took Naruto two orgasms and one mirrored sixty-nine position later to remind him that Shikamaru was a strategist as well.

--

fin.

--


	7. Slow Burn

Title: Slow Burn  
Author: desolate butterfly  
Genre: humour, drabble, smut  
Pairing: Gaara/Naruto  
Rating: PG – 13  
Summary: Naruto has a little problem with Gaara's Sand Barrier.

--

The only thing about having sex with Gaara, Naruto reflected, was that he got sand burns in odd places.

And apparently, little scrapes weren't the sort of thing the Kyuubi could be relied on to heal really quickly, so Naruto was left to meet the rest of his team looking like he'd just been rolling around in the dunes (which, in a way, he had been) in the nude.

It was bad enough that Sakura noticed the big red swipe across his stomach when he stretched to reach a tree branch and asked him if Gaara let sand in the bed and how on earth he got his sheets clean.

But when Sasuke commented on the slight red marks on his knees and gave him roll of the eyes like he was saying "well _that_ figures", Naruto was tempted to tell Gaara to have some words with the Sand.

But then, Gaara's eyes lingered on the small red scrapes all throughout the boring diplomatic meeting they had to sit through and Naruto decided that a little pain and humiliation was worth the small smile twitching at the corners of Gaara's mouth.

--

fin.

--


End file.
